can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
