hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
