Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
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We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
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Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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