i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I want to be your penis for a week.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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