TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
