I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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