i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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