She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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