Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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