well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.