I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.