I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
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Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
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After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him