Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(336): View more from North Carolina

i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self

Fav 24 4680 1399
share tweet
(713): View more from Texas

I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock

Fav 8 1461 3617
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(313): View more from Michigan

I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer

Fav 8 2444 1135
share tweet
(734): View more from Michigan

Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum

Fav 4 2053 1085
share tweet
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(510): View more from California

You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink

Fav 3 3093 1044
share tweet
(704): View more from North Carolina

Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.

Fav 9 4137 1416
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(323): View more from California

He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"

Fav 3 1575 694
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(719): View more from Colorado

I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda

Fav 1 733 485
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(845): View more from New York

Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.

Fav 1 56 6
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT