saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.