Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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