If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
