I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
