Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
