I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
