i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
