I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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