Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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