"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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