I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize