Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
