After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I supernannyed him into submission
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
