My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
it was like eating out sand paper
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
