bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
