Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
