He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
