did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
