ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
