Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
