well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
