There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
