Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize