How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
