Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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