She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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