So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
the condom got lost in my hair
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
