I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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