We're like a lot better than the average bears
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
