so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
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Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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