In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
