I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize