he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
so let's talk penis.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
