I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
