Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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