Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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