I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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