put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
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