Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
