He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
