my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
