Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
