you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
