Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
