I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
