drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize