We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
