This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
They left me at home... I'm a liability
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
