I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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