he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
