I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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