I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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