We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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