The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
