the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
