Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
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You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
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Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize