Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
