I'm going to jail i love you
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
