I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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