Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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