do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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