I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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