Kiss
Puke
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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