There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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